According to a White Horse Souse interviewed by Poof! Magazine, US President Trump will avenge his recent loss to Iran by dropping billions of tons of marshmallows on Iranian nuclear sites.
The top secret operation, codenamed Operation Midnight Marshmallow, aims to render Iran’s nuclear sites unusable by engulfing them in a sticky, gooey, sickeningly sweet morass of spongy confections consisting of tiny air pockets trapped by microscopic bubble-webs of gelatin and corn syrup, puffed up into small pillow-like objects and dusted with powdered sugar.
“Operation Midnight Hammer was a dud because the hammer shattered when it collided with Iran’s super-hardened concrete,” a source explained. “But marshmallows have this amazing property: they never, ever shatter. With enough marshmallows, you could cover every Iranian nuclear site with so much goo that no Iranian repair crew would ever be able to nibble its way through those cloyingly molten blobs of puffed-up melted-down sugary nothingness.”
According to the source, Trump believes that the sight of billions of tons of multicolored marshmallows cascading from the skies, incandescently gleaming in innumerable sickly-neon hues thanks to the phosphorescent dye that RFK Jr. is planning to seize from food manufacturers and turn over to DARPA’s Marshmallow Meltdown Division, will induce “shock and awe” in Iranians and trigger LSD flashbacks, causing them to overthrow their 1979 Islamic Revolution and return to the psychedelic free love vibe of the 1960s. To that end, American B2 bombers will be dropping hula hoops, go-go boots, banana bikes with sissy bars, lava lamps, tang, and Monkees records alongside the glimmering psychedelia-tinted marshmallows.
Reached in his hardened marshmallow-proofed bunker, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ayatollah Sayyid Ali Khameini responded by evoking Groucho Marx:
“Trump may talk like an idiot, and he may look like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you: He really is an idiot.”
